On the Border of U.S. and Mexico- EPMHMR

Day 47 - Visit to Inmates on Probation

2010-07-31T20:09:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, I got a little taste of the criminal justice department that deals with mental health under EPMHMR. I shadowed a case worker named Melissa who basically sees clients that are on probation. We visited the houses of ex inmates’ to make sure they were abiding by their contract drafted with their probation officer and were trying to get back on track. Since the individuals on probation have some sort of mental illness, we also went to check how they were doing mentally in terms of taking medication and overall behavior. All three consumers we visited, are living in housing provided by the government. It is housing that they will receive for one year to help them get their lives together. This particular program under EPMHMR is called Project Re-Direct, which exemplifies the program’s motive to help individuals get their lives back on track regardless of their past.

The first house we visited was of this man who is in his mid forties, early fifties. He was charged for aggravated assault because he was very violent. I was a bit nervous entering his home, but he greeted both Melissa and I with a smile that I came to realize was nothing but genuine. Melissa asked him the general questions: if the medication was giving him any sort of problems, does he feel anxious, depressed, suicidal, etc. For confidentiality purposes, let’s call him Mr. Nick. Somehow, in between all these check-up questions, Nick began to tell us his family history and how he ended up in jail. It was quite interesting, I must say. And sad to be honest. His siblings had taken away everything he had ever owned and cashed him out due to various family reasons. Then they pressed false accusations on Nick as a violent man and as someone who had been abusive. Due to his mental health condition, arrest was not hard to prosecute. But regardless of his family history, here he was, working, keeping his apartment tidy, and was clean from any sort of drugs and even alcohol. Mr. Nick had just treated himself to an elegant china set for his birthday that passed just last week. He was getting his life together and we all knew it. He mentioned how he did not really know anyone in El Paso. Nick said “You guys are my only friends” (referring to Melissa and his probation officer) and for some reason included me saying, “and now you, the intern.” It was the sweetest thing ever. I felt honored. Here I was, a complete stranger in HIS house and he had basically just shared his whole life story with me and included me in his circle of friends. I left Nick’s place thinking “this man is doing good for himself” and through the eyes of Project Re-Direct, he is a success story. Good for him.

The second person we visited has a completely different story. Again, for confidentiality purposes, let’s call this individual Ms. Smith. She is a woman in her late 20s, early 30s and has had 2 of her kids taken away from her by C.P.S (Child Protective Services) due to heavy drug and alcohol use. Ms. Smith is medically diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She has a history of cutting herself, being hit by men, and a dependency on men, whether it’s for the better or worse. As a child she was raped and sexually abused. Her mom, a prostitute forced Ms. Smith into the same kind of work and that’s all Ms. Smith has ever really known. I could not help but wonder how somebody could possibly go through all that. But here she was, the woman who had and I was sitting in her house on the floor.

When we first came up to Ms. Smith’s door, Melissa introduced her to me and asked if I could sit in. She said yes, but was reluctant. She wanted to show only Melissa something and so I waited outside her apartment door. I came to find out later that Ms. Smith’s current boyfriend, a man she took into her home because he got kicked out of his, cut him uncontrollably just last night and the bed in the bedroom was full of blood. He was sent off to the psychiatric ward until he becomes stable. Once Ms. Smith showed Melissa the after math of his crisis, I entered Ms.Smith’s home. Melissa began the check-in.

And just like Melissa warned me, it was very easy to pick up on Ms. Smith’s disorder. One minute she was crying, the next she was frustrated, and finally she’ll end up feeling hopeless. All throughout the check-in Ms. Smith kept saying “I just care about him so much” referring to her boyfriend who hits her and was sent of to the psychiatric ward. It was to the point where she said very desperately that “It doesn’t matter that he hits me. I’m used to it. I just want him to stop drinking.” It doesn’t matter that he hits her. It’s okay, there’s nothing wrong with that. How can you possibly argue with someone who thinks like that? By allowing her boyfriend to live with her, Ms. Smith was violating so many rules of her probation. For one thing, she started to drink with him and drugs or alcohol are an absolute no. There’s no question about it. But since he drinks, alcohol is more readily available. I remember her saying “Well at least I don’t smoke crack anymore. I just drink a little.” She had replaced her means of intoxication and did not see anything wrong with it. She, a cutter, someone who is not mentally and even physically stable was taking care of someone who is just as unstable as her. None of it made any sense. I could tell she wanted to do good to get back on track. But she needs to let him go. She needs to take care of herself first and foremost. But who knows when she’ll make that realization.

Before Melissa and I said our good-byes, Ms. Smith got up from where she was sitting and turned over the blanket to show us spots of blood all over it from last night. I couldn’t help but stare and wonder how on earth someone could live the way she does. I guess I’ll never know, but can only hope for now that big changes will enter Ms. Smith’s life and that she begins to think about herself over any man.

The last person we visited was of a young mother. She has a 2 year old child from one guy who fled when he found out that she was pregnant and was caught. Ms. Lee (for confidentiality purposes) was similar to Ms. Smith in her blind trust in men. Ms. Lee is also an MR patient, meaning she has some level of mental retardation along with a mental disorder. She used to smuggle drugs from Juarez to El Paso under the guy’s request (her boyfriend at the time). But once she got caught, he left her, alone and pregnant. The same kind of circumstance occurred with her second baby’s daddy. Now Ms. Lee has a 2 year old and another one coming without anyone to help care raise her kids and she is on probation.

Regardless of Ms. Lee’s situation, there is hope. There’s always hope, but a brighter future can be seen. She is receiving help from her mother with her kids and she wasn’t running to guys like in the old days. As a matter a fact her second baby daddy has been trying to get in contact with her and she’s been declining him because “I hear he’s always partying and I don’t like that.” She could not have sounded like a better mother. Her babies had taken priority over any man and that was especially good to hear after leaving Ms. Smith’s place.

As I ended my day, it’s so crazy that so much of these situations are unknown to the public. It’s bad enough that mental health does not receive as much funding and man power as is needed to serve the people of this country, but education about mental health is also lacking. We need to educate the public about mental health, what it is, how it affects us, and what we can do to help the cause. But until we do that, then it will always be overlooked and will affect thousands of people for the worse because they will not receive the proper treatment they rightfully deserve.

Day 41: Leadership El Paso- Politics and Justice

2010-07-31T20:07:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I attended the monthly Leadership El Paso meeting with my supervisor, Rene since he is one of the volunteers that puts these meetings together. Various agencies nominate individuals to participate in this competitive year long program. The idea behind this program is to gather leaders of El Paso to learn about the many issues going on in the area so that through awareness, actions can be taken. Every month, there is a different topic that is discussed. For the month of July, the issue was Politics and Justice. I was not too enthused when I first heard that since politics really is not my thing, but I was more than content with the presenters and the places we visited regarding the topic at hand.

The day began bright and early, at 7:30 am. There was breakfast, a welcoming, and an overview of the day, which would end at 5:00 pm. The first speaker was a man named David A. Austin who is a founder and member of the Board of Directors of the Rio Grande Institute, an economic development and environmental organization. I honestly can not remember exactly what he talked about, so I will move onto the next speaker, Patrick V. Reinhart who has been working in the area of policy development for more than 14 years. I consider him a politician since he has served on the staff of two Texas elected officials. The only difference in him was that I actually enjoyed listening to him talk because he just seemed like an honest man who is genuinely concerned about the advocacy for the city of El Paso. He mentioned one point which really hit home for me. He stated that if “You don’t know the answer to a question a community member is asking, then say: I don’t know, but I will get back to you” because nobody wants to be lied to. And that’s not how you build trust within the neighborhood. It’s a simple concept to say “I don’t know,” but I feel like people, not only politicians are reluctant to use those words as if it’ll make them look inferior. He also mentioned a key tactic that a lot of lobbyists do not use: keeping in touch with people. Once an issue has been resolved or once a legislative law has been passed, lobbyists tend to loose that connection with community members and that is fatal for them because they make it that much harder to regain their vote. Patrick Reinhart just simplified politics for me and that is why he had my undivided attention. I didn’t even do my usual day dreaming.

The next speaker was a woman named Jane K. Shang, the Deputy City Manager of the City’s Mobility Portfolio, which includes: international bridges, mass transit/sun metro, aviation, and street. Her presentation was very well organized with listed budgets, percentages, and numbers for the fiscal year. One of her main points was to promote the use of transportation. As someone who does not need persuasion in relying on public transportation since that’s all I’ve really known in NYC, I thought that extending the bus hours would be a great benefit. The buses in El Paso run from 6:00 am to 8:30 pm, which I consider to be fairly early. I wanted to vocalize my opinion, but a retired police officer was very passionate about Jane’s point in cutting funding from the safety department, that my point seemed too minor to mention. The officer’s argument was that safety is priority. “If you don’t have safety, you don’t have a city.” I agree with his statement without a doubt, but 60% of the city’s funding goes into safety. Even the security guards working in the bus terminals have guns. I see the police everywhere I walk, at least 3 times as much than in NYC. I just think that if some of their budget went into other departments such as education and healthcare, the community as a whole would have better chances of prospering.

The next speaker was a professor at UTEP, Dr. Richard D. Pineda. He made several interesting points about his topic, Border Communications. The one that stood out to me was the idea of symbolism tied with politics. He mentioned how El Paso has always voted democratic. However, there was one year in which the city voted republican out of nowhere. Dr. Pineda asked his grandmother, a typical El Pasoa who is also dedicated democratic voter why she changed her stance. She replied by saying that “because I can understand him.”Dr. Pineda conducted research and realized that it was the year the republican party began to incorporate Spanish into their campaign, even if it was in tiny portions. His main point was that communication, language, and symbolism is key for politics. And it made a lot of sense. Even if the ideals do not correspond with the voter, if the voter can comprehend what the politician is saying, there is a certain level of comfort and even reassurance.

The last set of speakers were Special Agent in Charge David Cuthbertson and Field Intelligence Manage Ray Cervantes who talked about the current “drug war” occurring in Mexico. They made sure to point out that there is no sort of overspill in violence into the states, especially not El Paso (since it is after all the second safest city in the U.S).

After lunch, it was field trip time! We loaded up to visit a jail in El Paso since the topic of this month is Politics and Justice. I can officially say, I Dimple Patel, a 20 year old have been to prison. I was very excited. We visited the cells, the kitchen, and the clinic within the jail. The officers that led the tour mentioned how the kitchen is the most dangerous place because of the knives that are present. It didn’t really hit me how structured the lives of the inmates really are. They receive three hours of sunshine per week. They shower, eat, and watch television when they are given permission to and as one of the officers mentioned, “you basically take away any sense of control they have.” For some reason, I never thought about it like that, but it’s true. We passed by the laundry room and the basketball court and soon the tour was over. After understanding the fact that different inmates wear different colored uniforms, depending on the severity of the crime they committed, I felt like I had enough basic knowledge to enlighten those who have never visited prison about the fundamentals.

Our next and last stop was to a place called the Center Against Family Violence, which “provides confidential assistance, educational programs and most importantly, hope to families in need.” We toured the shelter home, walking past kids running after one another and mothers holding onto their youngest ones. We saw the closed in playground and the educational center for kids. The main part of our visit was a play performed by a couple, John and Linda King. They reenacted the life of their daughter, who died due to domestic violence. Their story was real. Their story is real. And they were telling it to anyone who wanted to listen since the message needs to be spread. Their play, “Control. Assault, Delete” made three points:
1. Point out common mistakes made by parents and friends in their attempts to help the victim escape abuse.
2. Bring to light common tactics used by abusers to trap victims into a rigidly controlled relationship.
3. Point out to abuses the pain and misery they bring to the lives of others through their actions (Control. Assault, Delete).
The play was intense, especially knowing that these parents had lost a daughter through domestic violence and continuously relive that moment by raising awareness to others. But I guess that’s what it all boils down to. You help people by any which way you can because it’s the right thing to do. For this elderly couple, telling the story of their innocent daughter helps them spread awareness and raise caution against such violent crimes. It makes you wonder, what do I want to raise awareness about and work towards? What bothers me about the way things are? And what can I do to CHANGE those things?

Day 38- A Trip to Fort Bliss

2010-07-11T14:02:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was my trip to Fort Bliss. OMG! I was soooo excited. It’s one thing interning at an agency that caters to veterans, but actually visiting where these people trained, slept, ate, and got deployed from is a whole another story. Luckily for me, I was given the opportunity to tour Fort Bliss with two of the funniest veterans ever! One veteran, Mike is a man I’ve talked about earlier in my blogs. He’s been in war for 20 years and is now working with MHMR as the military liaison. The other one, Dan, much younger, retired from war after 2 years. They both work together to help veterans receive the proper services.

As we got closer to the entrance of the largest military post in the U.S (in terms of land) and 2nd largest post by number, I was a little nervous that I may not be allowed inside due to the heavy security. However, both Dan’s and Mike’s I.D. were enough to permit my entrance. Thank God. As soon as the guy gave us the okay and let us drive in, Mike said “We got the bomb in. Let’s go.” Ha! I just entered Fort Bliss and already was a part of military humor. As we were driving around, Dan recognized his old commissioner’s truck and called him. Todd, came out and volunteered to give us a tour of Fort Bliss….well parts of it since it’s HUGE. (It’s literally more than an hour’s drive long). We first visited the post’s administrative building where all the paper work and boring stuff takes place. Then we made our way to the barracks (or the dorms). It was funny when the men would use terms such as barracks, motor pool, A.C.U and rucksack to describe the military life because they had to find a synonym for me to comprehend what they were saying. I’ve never been exposed to military jargon and so it took some time. As we were walking to the barracks, both Mike and Dan continued to test me on the terms they taught me in the car ride over. Then Todd intervened and asked “What’s this?” as he pointed to his feet. I said “Boots” and started to laugh because I was right. I also replied by saying “I’m offended that you would ask that” (as if I didn’t know what boots were). He replied with “Well, I was hoping you thought it was a trick question.” Smh, soldiers. Regardless, I felt uber cool just walking around with 2 veterans and 1 active solider on Fort Bliss as if it was the most normal thing ever.

We entered the barracks, walked around and honestly the building looked pretty nice. Well, then again the parts that Todd showed us were the newer parts of Fort Bliss. Todd pointed out one frustration he had with the barracks. He mentioned how it was completely disorganized. All the soldiers were mixed up and soldiers from different brigades were rooming together. The problem with all this is that is makes it harder for the commissioner in charge of his or her brigade to mange his men since they are all scattered. Todd stated the reason for such disorganization: “It’s because the civilians assign the rooms for the soldiers.” In other words, if it had been an active military member, then the situation would have been different because they would have known better than to randomly assign rooms. Mike obviously agreed one hundred percent and added that living together creates the brotherhood that is very much needed in the army. He stated “We live together, we fight together, and sometimes we die together,” which really hit home for me.

We continued the tour and entered the locker room of the soldiers. I saw some groups of soldiers on the floor, taking notes from their leader, while others were doing push ups. Todd was telling us how they have not yet received the weapons to practice with and so for now, the commanders are passing as much knowledge as they possibly can to the soldiers. We passed by the dining hall and entered the parking lot once again. It was the end of Todd’s tour since he had to stay in the vicinity. However, he did mention for us to look at a couple of others places before we left such as the new physical fitness center and the U.S.O. Mike and Dan said bye to Todd and I thanked him for his time. It was greatly appreciated.

We drove off towards the U.S.O, which is basically a place where soldiers come to chill. They have internet access, can watch T.V on a huge flat screen, play pool, and eat. I must say, I felt a bit out of place as soon as I entered. Everyone in there were soldiers who were all close together, within the same area. I felt the stares as I walked in with Mike and Dan and did not really know what to do but follow their lead. After a mini tour of the area, we left.

Lastly, before we left Fort Bliss, Mike drove us by the new versions of tanks that the military was using because he had noted my initial awe with all this equipment and vehicles around. It just like the in the movies. And the majority of the tanks, jeeps, and equipment were colored tan to camouflage with the desert since El Paso is after all, in the desert. We also drove by the MP, the military police and the jail in Fort Bliss. We passed by the military court and the huge houses of the higher ranking officials. They were gorgeous. I began to realize that Fort Bliss is really a town within a town. As Dan put it, “It’s a city of its own.”
And soon my trip to Fort Bliss came to an end. But I was still as excited as when I first entered. The only difference now was that I knew the following terms: rucksack, MP, barracks, motor pool, brigade, A.C.U and boots of course. According to the two veterans, “I can hang."

Day 33- E.C.I Part 2

2010-07-08T09:36:00.001-07:00

My second day at E.C.I was spent with a dietitian named Raquel. Just like the case workers, counselors, therapists, and teachers, Raquel also visits kids at their homes. However, her purpose behind it is different. She is the person who takes the height and weight of the child and matches it up to a chart that the baby should be following, depending on his or her measurements and age.

The first house we visited consisted of a twins and a five year old boy. The twins were named James and Janet (for confidentiality purposes). I fell in love with James as soon as I sat next to him on the couch. They were around 12 months old and looked very healthy. While Raquel inquired the mom about the children’s eating habits and their preferences, I asked the mom if it was okay to hold James since he seemed to be getting anxious and well…because I really wanted to hold him. The mother gladly replied with a “yes” and in no time I was holding a chubby cheeked cutie. I tried to keep him steady but nope, James just wanted to jump up and down and so I followed his lead. He got a little too comfortable and started to pull my hair and that was a no no. I’m not sure why babies love hair so much. Once the babies were weighed and measured, Raquel and I said our goodbyes.

Our next stop was a home made daycare. As we entered I saw that there were only around seven kids because the woman in charge only takes a certain amount. I felt a little out of place because the kids were all playing and Raquel knew everyone there. But in literally less than 5 minutes after I had sat on the floor along side Raquel, all the kids came swarming around me. I must say, I felt the coolest I’ve felt in a while. One of the kids that was sitting around me, Brad (again for confidentiality purposes, a four year old boy) asked me “Do you know me?” I laughed and replied “No, do YOU know me?” He nodded no. And that is how mine and his conversation began. We told each other our names, our ages, and our favorite colors. He was getting kind of intimate. Haha. Soon, the other kids began to talk to me as well about Toy Story 3 and Karate Kid, two movies I am absolutely dying to see. I was jealous because these little ones had seen it and I still hadn’t. While I was hanging out with the cool people, Raquel was examining the baby that she was assigned to check up on. Soon it was nap time. The babysitter put everyone to sleep. And as the kids lay down, Brad asked me “Are you a kid?” And I couldn’t help but smile at question and his interest in me. I believe he became very fond of me in the 30 minutes we spent together. I was flattered.

Before the day ended, we visited a new born at another daycare and a baby boy at his house. Playing with chubby cheeked babies and flirting with a four year old boy marked the end of my second day at E.C.I.

Day 32 E.C.I Part 1

2010-07-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

On Thursday and Friday I went to E.C.I (Early Childhood Intervention), which is a part of MHMR. E.C.I provides services to children from birth to three years of age. Eligibility for E.C.I includes the following: developmental delay, atypical development, and medically diagnosed condition. On my first day, I shadowed a counselor named Monica. She is AMAZING. She is a woman who is in her late 30’s but glowed with so much joy that one could have easily mistaken her for a mere teenager. The moment I met her, I became even more excited for the day. We visited three homes. I should note that all the services that E.C.I provides are through the home. This was not always the case. But since staff is able to obtain a better understanding of what the living conditions for the child are like and since it is important for the child to make use of the toys and materials they have in their homes for therapeutic reasons, (as opposed to relying on the toys in the clinic), it had been decided that the visits take place in the consumer’s home.

On that note, the first house we visited was of a child who had a clubbed foot, meaning that her left foot was tilted inward as opposed to the normal straight facing foot. This is probably because the mother was on drugs during her pregnancy. As we drove into the low income apartment parking lot, I was a bit anxious about how the mother would feel about me entering her home as a complete stranger. We climbed up the stairs to the second floor and Monica rang the bell. The mother opened the door and her baby, Nicole (for confidentiality purposes) was right by her side. Monica introduced me as a student and asked if it was okay that I join their meeting. The mother agreed. I was relieved. As we entered the small apartment, the smell of smoke hit me. Monica and I sat on the couch across from the mother and baby Nicole. As the counselor began to check in with the mother, Nicole was running around, bringing pillows from one side to other, and stopped to drink coffee whenever she needed that extra boost of energy. Yes, she is a child, almost 2 years old and she had acquired the taste of coffee. While the counselor and the mother talked about Nicole's foot, her sleeping and eating habits, I joined Nicole in her own made up game of transferring objects from one couch to the other. She was adorable with her tiny feet and tiny arms just moving back and forth with no intention of stopping.

In addition to Nicole’s clubbed foot, she had an attachment issue with her mother, which stopped her from doing anything without her mom. Nicole’s dad is a trucker and so he is always on the road. Throughout the mom and counselor’s discussion, I heard that the father was not too pleased with the physical therapist from E.C.I. Since Nicole has a clubbed foot, it is vital for her to perform exercises that force her foot to face straight. However, as per the parents, the therapist who is in charge of Nicole’s exercises hurts Nicole. According to the mom, whenever the therapist shifts the foot straight, Nicole starts to cry whereas with anyone else, she doesn’t. It was clear that the mother wanted another physical therapist for her baby. And Monica was there to ensure both the mother and Nicole were happy with the services that were being provided to them.

The next home we visited was of a woman who was in the process of adopting twins from her great niece. When E.C.I first started to work with these twins, they were both nearly skeletal because they were not being fed. They call a condition as this “failure to strive.” But when we went to visit them, they were the chubbiest babies I had ever seen. They had undergone a complete 180 with the right kind of care and nurture.

The last home we visited was a bit sad. The mother is a single 20 year mother with a baby who has constant seizures and can not sit straight, even though he is nearly 3 years old. It was to the point where the mother had to resuscitate her baby because he was not breathing. I could only imagine how that must be, knowing day in and day out that your child is so close to death. Monica asked her usual questions for their check- in. Soon it was time to leave. As we got settled back into the car, I couldn’t help but wonder how different that mother’s life and my life was, especially since we are the same exact age. I don’t know how people do it. But they do, day in and day out.

Day 29- Mental Health Conference

2010-07-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

On Monday, a mental health conference was held to discuss existing programs and promote new ones. Mike, the military liaison for EPMHMR, and I represented EPMHMR at a booth. Since we were there to promote a new program called “Veterans Rally Point” that provided services for veterans and family members of veterans, we covered our table with camouflage material (or the material that the military wears. I thought it was a pretty cool idea). Anyhow, I felt important representing one of the best mental health agencies in El Paso with a veteran who had been in combat for 20 years. Once the conference began, I decided to leave the booth and attend the speakers and guests in the big room. Different speakers, doctors, and individuals from the military spoke about what has been done, what needs to be done, and realizing what the actual problem at hand is. What hit home for me most was when a solider spoke about how the veterans feel when they come back from war. They feel unappreciated and can not seem to integrate with society as they once were able to for various reasons. This may be a minor concern for other cities, but not for El Paso considering it has the second largest military post in the United States. In addition, 10,000 more troops will be returning from war by the end of October. The veteran population in El Paso is a serious issue, one that needs to be dealt with properly, especially for those individuals returning with PTSD and other psychiatric disorders. As mentioned before, Mike also spoke about the new program EPMHMR is launching, “Veterans Rally Point.” As someone sitting in the audience, I knew exactly what he was talking about because I’ve met with him previously regarding these programs and the training that needed to be implemented. I just really felt like I was a part of this process, of this new establishment and it was something to be proud of.

Day 27- Tigua Reservation

2010-07-01T17:58:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the delayed blogging. I’ve been too lazy, too tired, or too busy to blog. But I am about to make up for the past 5 days because A LOT has happened and it has been one of the most memorable weeks in El Paso thus far.

So let me begin with last Saturday. The girls and I attended the Cultural Arts Market at Ysleta Mission, which is a church on the Tigua Reservation. The Tigua are the only Pueblo Indians in the state of Texas and I got to see a little bit of their ways. I was beyond excited, especially because I am going through a phase in my life where Native American history is something I want to become really familiar with since at some point I want to work with Indians, medically. But until that happens, knowing about this history, their values, their culture and their present situation is vital, which is why reading about it necessary. Simply stepping foot the Tigua’s independent territory was something I have always wanted to do. Just standing on land that belongs to these Pueblo Indians holds a significant meaning because it is theirs.

As we entered the Cultural Arts Market, we saw booths all lined up selling various objects, jewelry, food, and clothing. I made sure to stop by every booth, even though I may have known from the very beginning that I had no intention of purchasing anything from that spot. It’s important to see everything. The very first booth had bags, but not just any kind of bags. The bottom half of the bags were made from turtle bellies. The buttons made from deer horns and the overall cloth made from cow hide. The woman behind the booth stated “A real Native American doesn’t let anything go to waste.” I just smiled and continued to touch the bag that was created out of three different animals, thinking to myself that I have heard that before, several times.

I continued my walk through the booths and really only wanted one thing: a turquoise ring. The belief is that turquoise would bring rest to the dead and since the stone is a mixture of the colors green (embodying the earth) and blue (embodying the sky), turquoise would attract good spirits. I honestly had no idea until after I had bought two of them, one green and one blue. My shopping for that day was complete and I was content.

A little while after, there were performances by children and adolescents, 2 girls and 2 boys. They wore tribal attire and danced to their tribal music, the live drum beats that the drummer created. After a couple of dances with the four performers, one boy did a solo performance. He did the Eagle Dance. His attire even made him appear as an eagle. As the master of the sky, the eagle is considered a carrier of prayers. “Many Indian Nations honor this bird as possessing courage, wisdom, and a special connection to the creator.” Last semester I had done a 45 minute presentation on a Native American poet, Joy Harjo and the poem that I had used to describe her and her ideals was called “Eagle Poem.” I felt as if I had some sort of reference, connection and even tie to the performance because of my previous readings and research that at that moment while the dancer was performing the Eagle Dance, my heart was just really happy.

Once the performers were finished dancing, the host called everyone to come and join them. And so naturally, the ladies and I joined them. We all held hands and moved around in a circle (with a specific type of footwork, but honestly I was just trying my hardest to not fall). We raised our hands as we moved in a circular motion to the beat of the drums. I could not help but smile my whole way.

After we left the Cultural Arts Market, we wondered around the Tigua community to see what else was around. The only thing we came upon was a casino called Speaking Rock which is apparently very well known in El Paso. We also saw the houses of the Tiguas that had a mixture of modern and pueblo looking style appearances. It was soon time to search for a bus stop since a couple of drops of rain warned us. And so we went back home, me- tired and oh so happy.

Day 26- A trip to A. House

2010-06-28T21:11:00.000-07:00

I went back to Sun City clinic today (Friday). However, since patients do not come in on Fridays, the clinic was pretty dead. Everyone was catching up on paperwork and filing and all that boring stuff and so I helped with that.

Things looked up, when we decided to go visit Dara and have dinner at the Annunciation House or A. House, where she is currently interning. Really quickly, A. House is similar to a homeless shelter that caters to economically vulnerable individuals and families and people who are undocumented. As I entered the house, I was a little nervous simply because I knew there would be so many people with different stories and backgrounds all under one roof. And all Dara said was "Don't worry, just say hi."

But she was right. Sarah, Laura, and I walked into A. House with smiles and maintained them all throughout our visit because everything was so homey. Dara quickly showed us a couple of spots in A. House, including her room since it was time for dinner. We all gathered to the second floor where the kitchen and dining room was. We stood around in a circle and held hands and prayed. We then got into a line for fooood! I had just eaten dinner because I was starving after I came home from work. But I really wanted to take in the whole experience of being at A. House and found myself reaching for a plate and spoon. The man serving ham asked Laura something regarding me and then looked at me asked me: “Are you Indian?” Me, with my hair tied in one braid put to the side could not look any more Indian and so I replied “Yes” with the cheesiest smile ever. We sat down on tables that resembled tables I used to sit at in elementary school. As I ate dinner, I saw how everything was still moving around me. Across from where I sat, was a woman and a new born child, behind me were adolescents who had just come home from seeing the girls they liked and to the side of me was a baby in a stroller jumping up and down. It seemed like an extended family. And I was a part of it for that moment.

After dinner, Dara continued the tour of A. House and showed us the family rooms where families stay, the women’s side, and the men’s side. She showed us the volunteer space, the office, the prayer hall, and she even took us to the roof which showed a great view of El Paso and its mountains. But I think by far the coolest place she showed us was the basement. It was like a thrift shop with donated clothes all lined up neatly one after the other, with cowboys boots and sneakers, and lotions and body wash. Everything was donated because A. House relies on donation for EVERYTHING to function. As we made our way back upstairs, we decided to help one of the volunteer separate the good produce from the bad produce. All of it was once again, donated from supermarkets that would have otherwise dumped the produce. After we made the initial separation, we then divided the good produce into two piles, one for A. House and one for its sister house, Casa Vides.

The ladies and I decided to chill outside for a bit since the house was burning up (there was no AC). Ricardo and Pedro (the two adults for confidentiality purposes) and Justin (the teenager for confidentiality purposes) were already outside playing basketball. They asked if we wanted to play and we all said no shyly. Then for some reason the girls called me out and started to encourage me to play. And so I decided to play. Right before we were about to begin, Justin started to bleed from his knee and so Dara took him inside to get cleaned up. As the three of the players waited, Ricardo passed me the ball saying “Let’s practice.” I shoot the ball one, twice, three times and continued until I reached my seventh try and still did not make it in the net. At that point I handed the ball back to Ricardo and he scored. He moved to another spot to shoot and missed so he stayed there. Pedro did the same. So I figured we were playing HORSE. Fortunately Justin came back and I did not have to keep missing shots. But it honestly hadn’t struck me that the game had begun since Justin was back and we now had 2 players for each team. I was wondering why Justin was standing so close to me and like right in front of me too. I was confused as to why whenever I moved left, he moved left and so without realizing that he was trying to block me I tried to get away from him because I needed my space. Then as I looked up I saw Pedro trying to pass me the ball and all I could do was break out into laughter because I had just realized the game had started. Moments like that happen too often with me.

Now, I was all into the game running around, throwing my hands in the air trying to block Justin and Ricardo, and always trying to pass the ball to Pedro because knowing me, shooting the ball is just not the best option. All this was happening with a hair tie that was not tight enough and in pretty little chancletas. But it was a lot of fun. At some point, even Laura and Sarah joined the game. But as the intensity of it increased, I decided to take a break and watch the game with Dara.

Soon after it was time for us to leave because the bus stops running at 8:30 PM and we needed to make sure we caught it. So we said our goodbyes and I took one last look at A. House and could not help but be grateful for its existence.

Day 25- Patients and Vitals

2010-06-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

Today was a VERY BIG day for me. For the first time EVER, I checked patients. I was sooooo excited. I couldn’t believe that I could even do that. I spent the day at the Sun City clinic, which is part of MHMR. I shadowed a medical technician named Joe. And his responsibilities basically entailed providing an initial assessment of the patient who will be seeing the psychiatrist shortly. Joe was in charge of recording the patient’s vitals which includes body weight, height, and blood pressure. In addition, we had to transcribe the consumer’s current medication, the amount taken, their medical history, and their current behavior such as anxiety or depression. I DID ALL THAT. I took down the patient’s weight, measured their height, sat them down and wrapped the pump around the patient’s arm and recorded their blood pressure and I inquired about their medical history and current medication. OMG. I was sooo hyped.

As I was taking the height of patients, I could not help but wonder about every doctor visit I have been to and followed the doctor’s instructions about what to do. And now, I was doing that!! I know it was simply taking down the vitals of patients but it was really a big deal for me and still is. I think what I loved the most about it was that some patients were so well in tune with what they were feeling whether it was anxiety or panic attacks or having difficulty breathing that they tried so hard to make sure I knew exactly what they were talking about. They used facial expressions, their hand movements and maintained eye contact with me so I would understand them fully. And I appreciated that so much. Meeting with patients has by far been the highlight of my week. Hands down.

Day 24- Lobby Cards

2010-06-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was pretty boring. I simply wrote a summary for cards that will be distributed to veterans for a new program called Peer to Peer Counseling. This is a group therapy session led by non-clinical staff. So I did that. But I also finalized my research- informed recommendation with my supervisor for an HSSP class I will be taking next year. Topic: Peer to Peer Counseling and services offered to veterans and family members of veterans.

Day 23- Native American Poetry

2010-06-22T19:57:00.000-07:00

Today honestly was a slow day, mainly because my supervisor was swamped with meetings and could not really sit down and assign me tasks for the day.

However, I did meet with two veterans I have met previously and my supervisor to discuss what Mike, EPMHMR's military liaison needs for training peer-to- peer reviews. We also discussed what Mike would be presenting at the Mental Health Conference that will be held next week.

So I since was not joking about not doing much besides organizing files and stuff, I would like to share a poem with you all from a book that I have just finished reading. The book is called "We Became As Mountains: Poems of the Pueblo Conquest" by Nancy Wood. And the last poem of the book is called "Full Circle." It goes as the following:

Full Circle

Some say the world is dying,
but I don’t believe them. Indigenous
There is always something good to see.

My ancestors would not have given up.
I, in my modern house, cannot give up either.
To give up is to die.

My voice goes on
and I fight like a warrior for
creatures who cannot speak.
The voices of turtles and falcons are within me,
and I must put myself in Brother Bear’s skin.

The end is the beginning. The full circle
of my life is nothing more
than one footstep going on.

I loved the fact that the author chose to place this poem at the very end because it leaves the audience with some sort of hope that somehow things will be okay for the Native Americans. Somehow, they will be able to take that step forward and live one more day, regardless of their tragic history. As Wood mentions, "To give up is to die" and so the Native Americans must keep walking ahead for the real tragedy is "when a memory dies, the purpose of a people is obliterated." In order for their presence to be remembered, they must take that footstep to fulfill the circle of life.

Day 22- MHFA, Mexican or American or Mexican- American?

2010-06-21T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today was more of an administrative day. I researched a program that EPMHMR wants to start called Mental Health First Aid (MHFA). This is basically what we know in physical terms as CPR. However, since mental health does not receive as much attention or any attention for that matter regarding ways OF dealing with an individual who is going through a mental health problem or crisis, the MHFA is very important and necessary. So my job was to basically gather information on MHFA and write out 5 to 6 paragraphs describing it. Once it is edited, my summary will actually be posted on the official EPMHMR website for all to see, which is pretty cool.

Moving away from work for a second, I had lunch with my supervisor today and his coworker. We obviously went to a Mexican restaurant since I prefer to eat that over anything else here. And we got into an interesting conversation. They were explaining how certain Mexicans in El Paso shy away from the language Spanish because they were taught to be ashamed of it growing up in school. I even met a lady at my employee orientation who stated “I have lived in El Paso all my life and I do not know Spanish. It’s so annoying that people just assume I speak it.” Mind you, this woman was of Hispanic descent as well. She had tried so hard not to learn her native tongue because she did not seem it was necessary. Her words definitely caught me off guard because my Hispanic friends back home try so hard to hold onto the language and speak it every chance they get. I realized that those friends are from New York City, a place where diversity is acknowledged, wanted, and something to be proud of. Here in El Paso, right on the border of U.S. and Mexico, the perception is different, especially because El Paso was at one point a part of Mexico. It’s ironic too that so much of the population is Hispanic, yet many individuals prefer to claim their American identity and downplay their Mexican identity. But I do have to take into account that there have been divisions made into this region. People have moved towards westernization. Mexicans from El Paso are not necessarily Mexicans from Mexico. There seems to be a clear distinction between the two, many taking more pride by being from the American side of the border. This dichotomy really caught my interest because of the location the people live in and the history they have lived. I wonder if the perception will ever change and if Spanish would be something all individuals will speak proudly in El Paso.

Day 20, 21- Cumbia

2010-06-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

The weekend had come. The ladies and I went out and socialized with Zelene, a worker that used to be a part of the same organization as Laura is in. Friday night was a fun night, I think by far the best one yet.

Early Sunday, Laura, Sarah and I went to a science and color exhibit and got to go back in time with all the activities that were present. If you didn't know us any better, you could have mistaken us for 5 year olds getting excited over the littlest things.

During the evening, the girls and I went to a free concert that is held every Sunday night. The event is called "Music Under Stars." Yesterday, a local band from Juarez played Cumbia. Basically everyone just brings whatever they want to snack on and chairs and plates and drinks and listens to the live band perform. I honestly have not heard much Cumbia, but last night's performance was really good. The singers were all very loud, excited, and kept the energy consistent throughout the two hours. There was even a mini dancing space for those who wanted to show off their moves. I must admit, I was a little too cool at first, but then with enough peer pressure, I too joined the dancers. And it was a lot of fun just moving my hips however I saw fit.

Day 19 Pink, People, Dance

2010-06-21T17:09:00.000-07:00

On Friday, I went to the same clinic as I did on Thursday and pretty much did the same thing. However, on Thursday I shadowed a rehab specialist and on Friday I shadowed a habilitation specialist. The difference between the two is that “rehabilitation is the process of assisting someone to improve and recover lost function after an event, illness or injury that has caused functional limitations.” An individual would be in need of rehab if he or she went to war for instance and returned with PTSD (Post- Traumatic Disorder). However, habilitation services cater to individuals who have a developmental problem, not those who have mental disorders.

Now that we have that covered, onto my actual day. On Friday, I shadowed a woman named Ana. We went to pick up one of her consumer’s, Victoria (for confidentiality purposes) who is a 30 year old patient in need of habilitation services. She is in a wheelchair and so we had to make sure to take the van. After Ana helped Victoria get settled inside with the buckles for the wheelchair, we drove to the mall. Victoria loves to shop and the color pink. She even wore a magenta dress that day. It must say, the color does suit her.

We all toured the mall, going in and out of jewelry stores. I think I was more excited than Victoria about the low prices and the colorful accessories. When all of our bellies were making funny sounds, we decided to sit and eat. Ana and I got pizza, while Victoria got Wendy’s. As we sat down, Ana and Victoria about her Victoria's current boyfriend and Victoria's situation. She may be pregnant with a man who is also an MR patient. And I just sat there remembering what Ana explained to me before we picked up Victoria. “They’re humans too, just like the rest of us. They have the same desires, wants, just like us. If only people could get past what they see first and realize that.” It’s so true. Here I was listening to Victoria talk about her boyfriend and the problems they are going through and we ALL go through that. The only difference is that many of us take it for granted that we can walk, that we learn and pick up on information without any difficulty.

As we exited the mall, we came to the van to take Victoria back. As Victoria and I waited for Ana to get the van organized for Victoria, she told me “I wish I could go to with you to New York. I heard it’s beautiful there.” The only response I could return was a heart-felt smile. Then as I waited outside in the 107 º F weather for Victoria to get settled in, she looked at me and said “Get in because it’s hot.” This time I did more than just smile, I actually got in the van because it really was hot. I was sweating by simply standing (I know,…gross). And finally when we were ready to take off, Victoria tilted her head in my direction and asked Ana “Did Dimple buckle up?” As I answered “Yes,” I thought to myself how sweet and caring of a person Victoria is and how truly happy I was that I got to spend the day with her.

And to top off my day, I attended the monthly dance that was held every month for consumers. I saw John there and talked to him for a bit. It was cool to actually know some of the patients. As I sat through the dance, I saw how much fun the consumers were having and I thought to myself, “when’s the last time I had that much fun?”

The very idea of having a dance for consumers is excellent because “They’re humans just like the rest of us. They have the same desires, wants, just like us.” And frankly speaking, they want to party like us too and they do just that every third Friday of the month.

Day 18- Burritos, Lemonade, and Soccer

2010-06-17T20:52:00.000-07:00

I was too tired yesterday to take time and properly write about my day and so I will do so right now at 7am.

Yesterday I was sent to another one of EPMHMR's clinic. As I walked into a room already filled with people, I couldn't help but smile because these were the same people I had attended the employee orientation and they all greeted me with smiles. I waited for the person I was going to shadow in a room with the new employees. Finally, a man named Andy shows up and we exit the building with another employee, Angel. (He also attended the orientation with me).

Andy's job was to check in on patients, which entails spending a total of 3.5 hours with them per month. The first person we drove and picked up was a man named John (for confidentiality purposes), who is diagnosed with schizophrenia and is also diagnosed with retardation. We rode to a mall called "Cafe Plaza." We walked around the whole mall, which wasn't too big. Angel suggested to go into Radio Shack because John had mentioned that his batteries had died. And so the quest for RECHARGEABLE batteries was on. We compared prices and saw what would be best and told John to keep this in mind for next time.

As we continued our walk throughout the mall, we also stopped into a place that sold Mexico jerseys. Yesterday, more than ever...I wanted one because I had seen my first goal when Mexico played against France. The end score was 2-0, Mexico winning. Soccer is such a big deal here and especially if Mexico is playing. Also, I never realized how hard it is to make a goal. It wasn't until the second half of the game and 10 minutes into it that a goal was made.

Anyhow, back to John. We eventually came back to where we entered the mall, also known as the food court. Since John loves a certain Mexican spot in the mall, he ordered a burrito with Andy’s help. As we sat down with the food, I couldn’t help but notice what seemed like an officer floating. Maintaining, my stare, I realized he was a MALL COP. Yes, like the one in the movies. I honestly did not know that they existed. I could not help but to stare the whole time he was circling the food court. It was the funniest thing ever.

We all returned to the car. Andy dropped John off at downtown since he likes to hang out there. We all said good-bye just like we said hello, with a firm handshake.
After lunch, we rode to pick up another patient named Tony (for confidentiality purposes) who was also diagnosed with schizophrenia. My interaction with Tony was little to none simply because he spoke only Spanish and my Spanish skills are limiting.

We took Tony to this HUGEEEE Mexican grocery store, expect when I entered, I felt like I had just entered a carnival. It was so colorful with decorations hanging from every part of the wall. The store had sections for different kinds of food, smoothie stands, statutes and an eating area. All this in a grocery store. I felt like a child in a candy store, wanting to try everything I set my eyes on.

Tony ordered lemonade and cake and we sat down for a bit. We then continued to walk around this monumental grocery store and exited. I had left the carnival. We dropped Tony off and in our way back, we passed by an Indian Reservation! It’s the only one in El Paso and the tribe is called the Tiguas. I was so excited because touring a reservation is definitely on my “to- do” list. Andy was telling me how the reservation is independent territory. This tribe has their own schools, police, church, everything. I would love to visit their churches. Maybe next weekend.

Day 17- Dinner with Sarah's boss and family

2010-06-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

Literally from 9 am to about 1 pm, I worked on one document at work today. My task was locate a map of Texas with all the counties in it, make it the appropriate size, and then highlight the counties that MHMR will serve. Now, this may sound like "light weight" to many of you, but believe me, it wasn't.

After consulting with four workers, I finally figured it out. When it was all said and done, the printed map of Texas was one of the most beautiful documents I had ever printed.

Later this evening, Sarah's supervisor, Ana who works for the FEMAP Foundation picked Laura and I up from UTEP to join her, Sarah and her family for dinner at their home. As we walked on every circular rock leading into the path of the entrance of their home, I could not help but wonder how the house would look like from the inside. As soon as we entered, all I could think of was the word "pueblo" to describe it. The house is full of old school furniture and room styles fused with modern tiles and windows. It was "the house" for an artist with paintings painted by Ana herself all over the home. It was colorful. It was homey. And the couple's 2 year old child, Camillo kept us laughing every moment with his craze for Toy Story.

Once we finished dinner (vegan pizza with no cheese which actually was not half bad), we all walked down to the end of the block to grab a sweet from the local bakery. I got a mango empenada and it was good. (Although I do prefer the guava flavored one). As I savored my desert, I enjoyed the coffee that was made for us and was ready to go home.

It was a great night. Spent with warm and kind people and it ended with the kiss on the cheek from an old romantic, Camillo.

Day 16- PMAB 2 and a little Spanish

2010-06-15T21:22:00.000-07:00

Waking up at 5 in the morning to get to my last day of orientation by 8am was rewarding. Partly, because I had mis counted the timing of the buses I would be taking and thought for sure I was going to be late. But nope, made it with 15 minutes to spare.

We reviewed all the exercises we were taught yesterday with our partners and had to present them in front of the class, individually. Then we began the "getting on the floor and being kicked around activities." We needed mats for this set. We learned how to double team a consumer to the floor and keep him or her their until it was safe to release them.

All the exercises made a lot of sense, in terms of how to deal with a patient undergoing a crisis. However, I am not sure as to how many of these practices I personally will be implementing myself. But it's always good to know.

The highlight of my day:
1. Began my day with the best coffee, well the only coffee I have bought in El Paso from a local bakery.
2. There was this woman in my self- defense class who just assumed I spoke Spanish. Well also, when she asked me questions such as "Como te llama," I answered promptly and with a smile too, instead of proclaiming my lack of Spanish skills. But anyhow throughout today's session she would tell me random things in Spanish about what I am assuming how she messed up the exercise when presenting and I thought it was the coolest thing ever. I tried to not be around her only because then she may want to have a full blown conversation in Spanish and I would have to tell her the truth.Yo hablo muy poco espanol. There was a certain amount of comfort established between us simply under the pretense of me speaking Spanish and well smiling...that always makes people comfortable.

:)

Day 15- Self Defense and BSB

2010-06-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

Today was another full day at orientation with a little twist. The earlier half was a session that discussed Crisis Management and the later, LONGER part was teaching the new employees Prevention & Management of Aggressive Behaviour (PMAB) or what many people know as self defense. For many of the activities we were partnered up and me being the tiniest one in the class was obviously paired up with the biggest dude.

When it came to exercises that involved pulling your partner to the other side for protection, I did not even bother. I simply used the most common mechanism used for your own safety which was putting up your hands and arms in a rigid manner over your face, yet still allowing you to see the attacker.

With every new exercise the instructors taught us, every pair had to duplicate that exercise in front of the whole class. I have always hated these "showing the class what you've learned activities." But I was a trooper and did not mess up too badly. Haha.

The two most important take home notes from today for me were the following:
1. When you are backing away from the consumer always keep your arms above your face.
2. And while you are backing, remember to scoot backwards as quickly and as efficiently as possible. This can be done with your body weight leaning towards the front to avoid falling on your back and breaking your skull open.

After my two hour ride home, nothing was better than a hearty dinner and lipsing-ing to Backstreet Boys for a good hour with Laura. She knows as many lines as I do. Need I say more?

Day 14- 2 week anniversary in EL PASO

2010-06-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

Today marks the 2 week anniversary of my stay here at El Paso, Texas. What better way to celebrate it than to go on a walk on through a scenic drive, eat guava pastry, go for a swim after being out all day and coming home sweet home to make a home cooked meal plus some leftovers?

The ladies and I decided to take two buses to reach one end of the scenic drive. We began our long walk on a cool breezy day. Matter a fact if there was any day to walk on a tiny sidewalk with cars and have the sun be over you every second for over an hour, it was today. I honestly haven't seen such good weather in so long. It made me wanna be an El Pasoian (I totally made that up). As we continued our walk, we got closer and closer to downtown. We made a couple of touristy stops that allowed us to take scenic pictures. In between our travels we would occasionally stop and break out into complete horror and then uncontrollable laughter. For instance there was one point during our walk when Sarah yelled out of nowhere. Normally, mine and Laura's natural response is to scream as loud as we possibly can regardless of the fact that we have no idea about why Sarah yelled in the first place. Once the hysteria calmed down, Sarah pointed at the ground and spotted a lizard that appeared to be dead. And then the loud laughter occurred and remained there until we continued our walk.

When we first began our walk, we passed by the poorer side of town filled with not so great looking houses, but as we ended the scenic drive, we passed by huge house mansions with beautiful plants surrounding them. The disparity between the hour walk was huge. It made me think of the difference between the two cities, El Paso and Juarez. We knew how close we actually were to Juarez since we used a mountain in Juarez that had the words "Juarez, La Biblia es la verdad. Leela" (Juarez, The Bible is the Truth. Read It) imprinted on it. Its so crazy how two cities so physically close to one another are so different in so many ways. El Paso is ranked at the second safest city in the United States, whereas Juarez is ranked one of most dangerous. And here we were, in between both cities. It was surreal.

So my two week anniversary at being in El Paso marks the observation of two neighboring cities viewed from a mountain full of lizards and cactus. Hands down, it will be walk I will always remember.

Day 13 SCB gals reunite

2010-06-12T18:09:00.000-07:00

So yesterday, all 4 SCB ladies got to chill. Finally. Dara had a day off and came through to UTEP. We went downtown, shopped, ate dinner and finally went for a lil dancing. It was great having all four of us chill and listening to Dara talk about Annunciation House and what it means to be a volunteer there and how intense it is and how much she loves it.

What I remember best about last night was the discussion all four of us were having on our tiny dinner table about Mexico's current state and how so much of it deals with corruption. Interesting points that need to be evaluated and dealt with were presented. The first point that caught my attention was the reasoning behind legalizing marijuana. 69 tons of marijuana is illegally imported into the United States from Mexico, allowing drug cartels in Mexico to have complete control over the generated income, people, and government. If marijuana was legalized then Mexico would no longer be run by the drug cartels since the United States would be able to either grow their own weed freely or import it from elsewhere for cheaper prices. It was a point I had never considered before. It makes sense that Mexico's condition would improve...a great deal. But the aftermath that it would do to citizens of the U.S. especially teens makes me a bit uneasy. Having worked with teens who were in need of psychiatric help and have undergone substance abuse makes me worried and scared about what would happen to them if weed were to be legalized. And I know that in the bigger picture, this population is fairly small, but knowing some of these students (through a past internship) by first and last name and knowing their backgrounds, forces me to make them a priority.

Another good point that we discussed was the criminalization or OVER criminalization of things such as weed. Too much resources, time and money goes into putting individuals into prison for weed related activities. All those resources, instead need to be put into actual criminals, not just a couple of college students who wanted to have a good time. This was a point that I could relate to in terms of mental health and the idea of jail diversion (a program for individuals who are in need of mental attention as opposed to prison).

The strongest and most valid point of the night was an idea that Dara brought to the table about how drug abuse is more of a social problem and needs to be dealt with through social services than to be labeled as a criminal issue.

This understanding was reiterated today in a community meeting I attended which was organized through Laura's internship site, Border Network of Human Rights. Sheriffs and Chiefs from the El Paso County and Las Cruces were asked to answer questions regarding human rights and immigration rights. Testimonies of real people were presented and the panelists were asked to respond, agree, disagree or clarify exactly how certain situations should be dealt with. For instance, if a police officer pulls an individual over for speeding, the officer does not have the right to ask the civilian for his or her immigration papers. Clarifications were made between the authority and the community members. But to a certain extent I felt as if some of the officers were simply saying what the public wanted to hear.

Nonetheless, it was a community event in El Paso, one that I am glad I attended.

Day 12- Hoarding and Tallys

2010-06-11T13:39:00.000-07:00

I began yesterday by attending a "Hoarding" meeting with my supervisor. By defintion, hoarding is a debilitating disorder characterized by the acquisition of a large volume of possessions that clutter living areas to such an extent that they can not be used for their intended purposes, causes impairment of normal life functioning and the environment. In other words, a hoarder is someone who keeps junk in their house to the point that it is a safety hazard. Some cases are so bad that you can not even see the floor because there is junk laying around all over. Yesterday's meeting specifically focused on Animal Hoarding. An officer from Las Cruces Animal Control presented a power point on the increase number of cases of animal hoarding and what needs to be done about it after the hoarders have been located.

Since animal hoarders accumulate large numbers of animals and fail to provide minimal standards of nutrition, sanitation, or vet care, many animals tend to die or fall sick. Out of 100 animal hoarders, 80% have dead or sick animals yet most deny any problem. In the presentation, one woman had over 300 albino RATS living in her house. We saw clips of mice all over her kitchen, living room, bathroom, and even bedroom! I distinctively remember seeing 4 white rats come out of the woman's pillow cases! She also had two dogs, one which had died. Since she did not see the need to dispose of the dog, the mice eventually ate the dog and all that was left was the dog's carcass and hair.

I learned about the profile of an animal hoarder, the mentality of an animal hoarder, and how to recognize one. We went over the environmental concerns of animal hoarders including the transfer of diseases and deterating strucutres. Lastly we discussed "How to Manage a Hoarder" and the use of various agencies to help hoarders get cleaned up and stay clean, not only for their safety, but for the safety of those around them.

My supervisor and I left the meeting early so that I could be dropped off to Sunset Clinic, which is also a part of MHMR. My help was needed to tally up the 1,300 patients and their diagnosis. These were the same patients that starting October 1st will have no treatment, medication or any sort of service because no extra funding will be given to MHMR. As a result patients with bipolar, major depressive disorder, schizophrenia, and other mental disorders will not be seen or treated. 1,300 people. Suicide rates are going to go up. There will be an increase in imprisonment. More space will be taken up in ER rooms. All health related agenices will be affected. Family members of these untreated patients will be affected. The result will be a sad domino effect.

As I was tallying up the diagnosis of every patient, the scary truth was so evident. Every tally represented a person in need of mental healthcare who will be left on the streets...untreated...unmedicated.

Night 11 Vigil

2010-06-10T17:31:00.000-07:00

Last night Laura invited to a vigil that was being hosted in honor of a fifteen year old boy, Sergio Adrian Hernandez Huereka. "A U.S. Border Patrol agent fatally shot a 15-year-old Mexican boy after a group trying to illegally enter Texas threw rocks at officers near downtown El Paso." His mother, Maria Guadalupe Huereka described how her son was waiting for his older brother who worked for the border custom's office. As Adrian Hernandez Huereka waited for his older brother, he met a couple of his friends and hung out by the river. "That was his mistake, to have gone to the river," the mother said. "That's why they killed him." On behalf of the Border Patrol agent who shot the child, the president T.J Bonner seemingly tried to justify the agent's actions by stating "It is a deadly force encounter, one that justifies the use of deadly force." The amount of deaths occurring at the border have been increasing "from five in 2008 to 12 in 2009 to 17 so far this year, which is not half over."

Last night I attended a vigil for this child. We met with Laura's coworker, Zelene who is a hard core activist on human rights. From there we drove to the place where individuals gathered and began to light our candles. Then the walk began. In the breezy, calm, sad evening the whole group began the walk towards the border to get as close as we possibly could to Adrian Hernandez Huereka's death. As we approached what seemed to be just open space in front of an apartment, two cop cars awaited our arrival. But the drummer kept drumming on. Bhum- bhum, bhum bhum, BHUM- BHUM....We all gathered around in a circle and listened to various speakers, holding our candles in the dark night. Flashes kept going off since tons of media coverage was being taken. As I listened to the woman talk about Adrian Hernandez Huereka, it was so surreal for me to even be present at the place, at that moment. She clearly said that "WE have lost OUR son." We need to do something about it. We need to end this battle of violence that has been going on for over 150 years. It is not Mexico versus the United States. How can it be? How can it be seen as two separate nations with people displaced into various locations? "WE have lost OUR son. WE must celebrate his life. WE must celebrate his relationship to his family members. WE must celebrate how he went to school." WE. It was so real. Being there around people who have lost loved ones and coming together yet with some kind of hope, some kind of courage, and some kind of faith, real faith that this will not continue. This will end. Violence on the border is not the answer. It can not be the answer.

Day 11- Jail Diversion

2010-06-09T14:25:00.000-07:00

I began my day by being 20 minutes early to a Jail Diversion meeting at 8:30 am. The meeting was meant to accomplish the following:
1. Jail Diversion Memorandum of Understanding
2. Jail Diversion Bylaws
3. Nueva Esperanza Clinic Update
4. Other new businesses

We mostly ended up talking about how to implement these jail diversion programs and the person who led the meeting emphasized the fact that it was crucial for agencies to work together in order for jail diversion to be successful.

First and foremost, jail diversion is a "humane solution to the criminalization and inappropirate criminal detention of individuals with mental disorders." In other words, individuals who commit crimes such as urinating in a public place openly may have some sort of mental illness and it is not fair to send them straight to prison because their mental needs will not be addressed. I think the idea is great because you can't just send mentally ill individuals to prison because of the crimes they have committed without taking into account the root of the problem.

Like all meetings, with various groups represented such as the Sheriff County, the Police Department, the University of Behavioral Health, and the Opportunity Center, there was a difference in opinions. But the main point was for all these agencies to begin working together. Since an individual in need of mental help and who is imprisoned is not only involved with the Police Department, but also the psychiatric center and the mental health court and other agenices, working together is crucial. Then once a history of collaboration is shown and successful results are presented, then more money can be provided to mental health in general since there's some sort of solidarty. If I can summarize this meeting in one word that needs more attention and action is TEAMWORK. And it's crazy because I'm beginning to realize how territorial some of these agencies actually are. It's as if ego seeps into organizations when working for the general public, which is quite sad because if by collaborating and sharing ideas and information is going to provide for better services then what's the hold up about?

I know I'm just an intern who very recently started to work for this agency, but by making the calls to various organizations and attending meetings with different representatives, it surprises me how many agencies want to work alone and deal with their consumers by themselves when there is so much room for collaboration to provide for stronger, better results.

Day 10- Good Idea

2010-06-08T15:27:00.000-07:00

I was glad to be back at work after attending orientation. I think it's different when you attend training after you've already started working. It kind of takes away the excitement because you've already met the people you're going to work with and you know what you'll be doing.

I began my day in a meeting with my supervisor, and two veterans. We were discussing the project that I have been assgined and the improvements it could use. My job is to collect information about the services various community partners of EP MHMR offer to veterans and family members of veterans. The meeting was very informative and I really felt like I was helping out the agency in a huge way. After all, the information that I collect and organize will be sent of to the state of Texas and hopefully through that data, EP MHMR will receive more funding since that is always an issue.

Anyhow, since I am the person who is in charge of having this data ready by June 14the latest, the veteran Mike, who is also EP MHMR's military liasion was very efficeint in explaining what various agencies do or do NOT do for veterans and what they "say" they do, when they REALLY do. It was interesting and a bit shocking to see how many gaps actually existed for veterans and the family of veterans, especially since there is such a huge population of them here in El Paso. And that is why it is so important to receive this funding from the government because many veterans still are not getting the services they should be given.

At one point in the meeting when the two veterans were discussing a place to hold their "Peer-to- Peer" sessions for veterans with PTSD and other psychiatric disorders, I proposed a place and they discussed that place for a minute or two. Mike concluded, "That's a very good idea. We should hold it there." I felt so honored that he said that especially because I suck at directions and I just presented a place that I had never been to, only researched and it "was a very good idea."

I'm beginning to realize the amount of time and effort is needed for health to actually be provided to people. It's not as easy as "whoever wants to help can help." Obstacles such as laws and funding and even people at times all need to be dealt with. But its worth the fight. Big time.

one more thing....

2010-06-08T14:10:00.000-07:00

I got my very OWN EL PASO PUBLIC LIBRARY CARD and borrowed six books yesterday. Gotta have them read in three weeks. But omg, this makes me really happy. =)

Day 8 and 9

2010-06-08T13:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the post delays. I am definitely gonna work on blogging everyday and actually post it on that day. But my laptop is in two words...a HOT MESS. First I didn't have internet. Then when I finally got internet connection, my laptop crashed. And all these things just have to happen to me...the most UNsavy person when it comes to technology.

But it's fine. I ended my weekend with three Law and Order episodes with the gals. I'm telling you that is like my official lullaby. After a long day at work, watching detectives uncover greusome crimes in New York City is all I need to fall asleep.

Moving onto yesterday...I actually wrote this yesterday as well, but couldn't post it cuz of my HOT MESS of a laptop.

So the following occurred on June 7th:

3 buses and 2 hours later I had arrived at CHAMPS, the new children's unit within EP MHMR. By car, the ride would have taken me 20 minutes. But considering I had to take the SMART 101 to the Downtown Transfer Terminal for the #50 bus which only runs every half an hour and then transfer once again to the #57 bus which runs every 2 hours, I was just happy I was on time. :)

The new employee orientation was split into the three following workshops that I was asked to attend:
1. Consumer Rights/Abuse and Neglect/ Strategies to effective advocacy for individuals
2. Cultural Awareness
3. Welcome/Vision/Mission

I felt as if most of what was mentioned in the workshops was pretty obvious, but since situations such as consumer- provider relationships occur or since certain individuals are unaware of what it means to be culturally competent, it's good to review.

The highlight of the oreintation and the part that I did not have to force myself to stay awake was learning about S.T.A.P, which is the Specialized Telecommunications Assitance Program. The two presentors showed us how people who are deaf and/ or have hard of hearing services can contact health agencies for assitance. The specialized telephone equipment is basically a huge texting phone that enables individuals with a hearing disability to communicate to others through the telephone by writing whatever it is they need. They brought in visuals and actual specialized telephone equipment,which I thought was pretty cool. The main message the director of the program wanted to get across was to advocate. Advocate for people with learning disabilites. I remember her saying "Put yourself in the shoes of an individual with a disability" and determine if they have the same experience or even close to the same experience as a person without any disabilities depending on the resources provided for both groups. For instance, if there is a televsion in a waiting room, people who can hear perfectly well are able to listen, hear and enjoy what is being shown on T.V. However, individuals with a hard of hearing disability, can not and so having captions on televisions in public areas is a must. Simiarly, individuals who depend on wheelchairs, should be able to ride up on a ramp in any public area as well. We all need to advocate for these services, even if we do not have any sort of disability. The incentive to take a stand for individuals with disabilites should be far greater for those without any sort of disability for one can only imagine how different our lives would be if we had some sort of disability.

Day 7 weekend

2010-06-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

So yesterday Laura had to work, well she's working this weekend and so Sarah and I decided to go to downtown and watch "Sex and the City 2." I recommend it. The movies here are $6.25! In New York, it's at least $10.00!

The cab driver that took us to the theater was Indian, specifically Punjabi, which caught me a bit off guard because there aren't many South Asians in El Paso. But he was a very happy man, telling us jokes about different ethnicities and describing his experiences living in Paraguay which he loved the most because he noted that people there are just so stress- free. "They take 3 hours lunch break and over here we get anxious if we take a 20 minute lunch." This man had lived all over the world and was going to teach a law course at UTEP, the place I am staying.

I wondered if I would ever be able to do that. Travel the world and then have the opportunity to evaluate what place best suited me. It's seems almost too surreal to do that and still be on the track towards your career. But this is me getting off to a tanget. The moral of this post: Go watch Sex and the City 2 if you haven't already.

Day 6 June 4th Partying with Pitbull

2010-06-05T11:56:00.000-07:00

So today is actually June 5th. Yesterday the ladies and I decided to go to the Pitbull concert in the El Paso County Coliseum. Considering the fact that I have never been to a concert before, it was an experience, one that I would not relive through. The music was great, Pitbull was amazing, and the girls I went with were tons of fun. But the tipsy people smelling like beer, the heavy set pushers, and the constant body friction with anyone remotely near you is something I do not wish to relive. But all in all, it was good. I had fun. I mean, come on, my first Friday in El Paso and I was jamming to Pitbull…live, front row. I ain’t complaining.

So moving onto what SCB really sent me here for…my internship. Well yesterday was a pretty slow day simply because I was waiting for someone to take me to the clinic I got my TB test and receive my drug results. I passed, just in case any of you were wondering. But then since my supervisor was in and out of meetings I wasn’t really sure what I needed to be doing. Then towards the end of the day, when I thought I was going to leave early, my supervisor assigns me a task…to call up 30 community partners and ask them about the services they provide for veterans and the family members of veterans. I am proud to say that I accomplished this within 43 minutes. I had to because the bus that takes me home (well one of them) runs every 30 minutes and I honestly had no intention in waiting in 104 ºF for a bus. Nope, that just wasn’t happening. Lucky for me it was Friday evening and a lot of the organizations were closed. As soon as I made my last call, I jetted.

As I got on one of the buses, I saw no seats so I stood. Two seconds later, I felt a tap on my right shoulder. I turned and an elderly lady told me "Siéntate" and pointed towards the seat next to her. I’m assuming all her bags were placed there before because she was now holding all of them in her lap. I smiled my chessy smile because I thought that was very sweet of her. It was a nice bus ride home, regardless of the scorching weather.

When I got home the ladies and I decided to attend the concert, 4 hours before it began.

We took a cab to the County Coliseum. Seeing how Sarah and I didn’t have dinner, Laura and I decided to get some food while Sarah waited in line. If I only knew how far the closet food stop was I would have definitely postponed dinner till after the concert. We literally walked a mile on a crosswalk that kept disappearing since we were walking so close to the highway with speeding cars. Luckily a staff member gave us a ride to the end of the parking lot (which was huge) to the main road in a golf car. OMG. Laura and I could not stop laughing. As soon as our butts touched the golf car seat, we burst out in laughter because the very thought of us riding around in it was simply too much to keep in. We came back with 5 minutes to eat our food since the doors were about to open soon. As soon as everyone showed their tickets, running seemed to be the next automatic response for all the girls and even some of the guys. So I decided to do the same. I mean, I was gonna do everything that you’re suppose to do at a concert. Like scream for the whole two hours until you no longer have voice, and since everyone else is doing the same, be deaf at the end of the night. Also, jump up and down for no reason at all with your arms in the air all night long. And in between all of this, get used to the fact that your sweat is touching the next person’s sweat and as soon as I get home a shower is an absolute must.

So it was an experience. Seeing Pitbull perform and be “the freaky man” that he is was an experience. Being pushed back and forth, side to side was an experience. Pretending to know the lyrics to some of his songs, especially the ones in Spanish was an experience. My first Friday in El Paso...well was an experience.

Day 5- June 3rd Crisis Unit

2010-06-05T11:55:00.002-07:00

Today I was on the first floor of MHMR, where all the action takes place…The Crisis Unit. This is the floor where patients walk in to seek care; some have more urgent needs than others if they are facing a breakdown at the very moment.

The most intense part of the day was visiting the ER room. I shadowed one of the workers at MHMR to evaluate a patient and assess whether or not he was in need of psychiatric help. This patient had broken the window with his bare hands late last night when he was drunk and so the police brought him to the ER. Once his BAC was lower, we arrived to see him. He did not mention any thoughts of suicide or any thoughts of hurting others. He claimed he was under a lot of stress and things just went out of hand. Past records show that he gets out of control when he drinks.
We then met with the mom and sister. Sister, brother and sister’s boyfriend all live in an apartment together. Mom lives with her new husband separately. The siblings just recently moved to El Paso due to issues back at home. But family issues were far from over. Mom mentioned the brother touched his sister when they were younger. As soon as those words came out, sister began to cry after trying so hard to keep it in. She didn’t want us to know. She was obviously still not over it. And yet, the mother claimed “They have it good. I found an apartment for them.” I could not comprehend what the mother was thinking when she said that. She seemed very selfish. What the sister was and is going through is separate from the purpose of the original visit. The brother was referred to a couple of substance abuse organizations and was not identified as in need of psychiatric help. 45 minutes later, once all the paper work was filled out, the brother will be discharged and will continue to live with his sister.

When I returned to MHMR, I sat in on three evaluations that would determine whether or not the individual is in need of psychiatric help. I felt like I was intruding in on their lives by sitting in, but the individuals were very open. One of them even thanked me and I simply sat in the assessment without saying a word.

Day 4: Work Day 2, June 2nd Drug Test

2010-06-05T11:55:00.001-07:00

So I began my second day of work at a health clinic for 2 hours waiting to do something that takes literally 5 minutes. For legislative purposes, I took a TB test and a drug test. And by the second hour I had to pee really bad. Before leaving I made sure I drank enough water so I would have something to show for, but who knew if would have taken this long?

The main thing I did today was compile all the community partners that MHMR has and look up their contact information. In between I did a bit of youtubing seeing as I still do not have internet in my room.

And once I was done with work, I walked 10 unnecessary blocks to a bus stop that was literally behind the building I come out of. This is what I meant about being directionally challenged. It’s serious stuff.

Day 3: June 1st, Official Work Day 1

2010-06-05T11:54:00.000-07:00

Sorry about not posting anything yesterday. I began the day with a huge headache and it did not get any better throughout the day. However, meeting new people, becoming acquainted with the tasks I will be performing, and becoming part of a team kept me smiling and high spirited.

Paranoid about getting lost (a thing that I am very familiar with), and since I’m still not very confident about the buses in El Paso, I left for work at 7:57 am. It takes me 30 minutes to get to work and I start work at 9am. Yes, I know. I will be 30 minutes early and that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday. I remember this quote I read in high school: “The key to success is to always be 15 minutes early” or something like that. I especially like that quote because I think it has some sort of truth to it. Being early to a new place definitely takes the stress off of being late because honestly that is the worst kind of stress to be under your first day. So being 15 minutes early, good. Being 30 minutes early, a bit too much.
After I killed some time talking to my poppa outside, I finally decided to enter the MHMR building for the first time as an intern. I waited for me boss in the reception area. Two seats down me was what appeared to be a homeless guy with his head down. He was obviously a patient at MHMR and I secretly thought about him spasming out right in front of me. But just as quickly as that thought crossed my mind, it left because that’s exactly what happens in New York City everyday.

My supervisor finally walked in and after three months of emailing and calling I met the man that will be my go to person around the agency. At the end of the day, I had concluded he was just one of those people. The kind of people that really wanna make good things happen regardless of the negativity and hopelessness out there. Matter a fact, everyone there had a little bit of that. But I then I figured you had to if you worked for an organization as MHMR. Mental health and mental retardation barely get any funding. Specifically in El Paso, 1,300 patients will be shown the other cheek after September 1st because the of the countless obstacles the agency has to go through in order to use the quarter of a million dollars they have been given. So individuals with psychiatric disorders will not receive proper treatment or medication and will be basically on their own to diagnose and treat themselves. Hearing facts and situations like this, makes mental health such an issue. It is an issue that needs more attention, both medically and financially. One can not happen with out the other.

I also listened in on a National Conference call regarding suicide prevention hotlines. The call addressed issues such as: the current status of the hotline and what can be improved, what needs to be added, etc. I learned that if you were to google up ways to commit suicide, only when the words “suicide” and “kill” are typed into the search engine, does the suicide prevention hotline show up. All other terms take the individual to steps to their death without showing any warning or option to change their minds. This is one issue that needs to be dealt with. Moreover, I learned that the majority of the suicides committed are at the middle of the day. Why? Well there are theories such as in the morning it’s just too early, while in the middle of the day, a person has more energy. I’m not sure I follow that very well. But like I said, there are theories out there. Oh! So what was really cool about the conference call was that Jesus' (the director of crisis management) secretary took down everyone’s lunch including mine. And I continued to listen to the conference call while I ate my veggie subway sandwich with the big boys. I felt really cool. I must say.

Lastly, along with meeting the CEO of MHMR and a lot of other cool people, I was assigned my first project. Since 4,000 troops have come back to their homes in El Paso and since by the end of October 10,000 more will come back, services for these veterans need to be solidified especially because a lot of these men are coming back with PTSD and other psychiatric disorders. Going away to war for so long and then coming back is not the easiest thing. Coming back is actually quite difficult because some of these men have children and do not really know how to be fathers because they left for war before they had the opportunity to be with their children. Some have road rage because it provides them that adrenaline that they had every second at war. Factors such as these seep into the soldiers’ loved ones and family members affecting them in a negative manner as well. So my project is to meet the deadline MHMR has, June 14th. It entails me to contact all the community partners and verify the services they are and are not provided for these veterans. Through this information, MHMR will be able to either receive more funding or not. The more “No’s” I receive the better. That way more funding will hopefully be provided.
The highlight of my day: I was in a meeting and after it was over, the workers were talking about the closing down of a site and rejecting 1,300 patients. Everyone was getting quite rowled up. And even F bombs were being dropped, but in a funny way, not directed towards anyone in the meeting. As this was happening, one of the workers said “Guys, behave, we have a guest in the room,” and looked at me. The Crisis Director simply looked at me and said “Oh, I already met her. She’s not a guest.” Another worker, a veteran, added “She’s part of the team.” And so, on my first day at MHMR and I was part of the team.

Day 2: May 31st Being responsible

2010-06-05T11:52:00.000-07:00

I went to bed last night at 10 pm. Haha my first night in El Paso and I’m gone. But can I just say, that was the best sleep I’ve had in a really long time. Right now, it’s around 10:30 am and me and the gals are about to leave to go visit our worksites so we don’t get lost tomorrow on our first days, but even this is no guarantee for me.

It’s 9:24 PM. And the girls and I have returned to our home. This heat thing, 99 º F weather is still an adjustment especially since the past two days I feel like I have walked more than I have ever walked in my whole life. I’ve concluded that the heat makes a 5 minute walk seem like a 15 minute walk and not in a good way either.
Anyhow, since I plan on becoming best friends with these weather conditions by the end of my summer here in El Paso, I am not concerned about the heat. So today’s accomplishments: we figured out who’s going where to work tomorrow. Ahhh! Tomorrow! Ahh! Crazy stuff. We first visited my work site on the fabulous SunMetro transportation here and I must say, I am very pleased with where I will be for the next eight weeks. MHMR is a state organization that caters to individuals in need of mental treatment. Since we just walked into the place unannounced and since it was Memorial Day, the office was quiet and a bit isolated, but not closed since it is open 24/7. As I raced into the bathroom, Laura and Sarah found a man to question about the place. It turned out that the guy was super nice and gave us a whole tour of the first floor, which was more than enough. We visited the colorful room full of various toys that the children were placed in when they had to wait for assistance. We also visited the more dull, less colorful room where the adults who waited for assessment. Our tour guide, an actual employee at MHMR, pointed out the difference between the presence of a television in the adults’ waiting room and the absence of one in the children’s room since it can cause a strong reaction, based on what is being shown.

What I loved the most about these two rooms was the wall that looked like a mirror but is actually a glass that employees at MHMR can see though and use to monitor the actions of patients and make sure that things are under control. It was just like in the movies when the cop is asking a potential criminal about his whereabouts. It was so cool. We all took turns to stand in the in patient room so that the other one could see them through the employee room. It was very exciting. David, the really nice man/ tour guide/ employee then showed us the office where all the paperwork gets done and the padded room. Yup, it’s the room in which patients are kept to prevent them from hurting themselves. And as someone who has knocked on the walls, the padded room is most definitely padded, once again, just like in the movies. We ended our tour by visiting the office with many phones that are used to receive calls from individuals in need of assistance. As I left the building, I couldn’t help but wonder how my first day of work will be. No, not exactly. I thought to myself how great and wonderful tomorrow will be.

Now it is 9:53 PM and I have ironed my red pencil skirt and have picked out the black H&M cardigan I will be wearing with my cute black flats (that are a bit too big on me). I know how my hair will look and smell and I know what’s for breakfast. I am set. I am ready. Good night.

Day 1: May 30th Arrival

2010-06-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

It is 9:45 PM El Paso time and I am exhausted. Been up since 3 am and have kept going. For the first time, I traveled on a plane all by myself with nothing but my heavy ass luggage to keep me company. Sitting here on this wannabe rocking chair my legs feel the tiredness that’s been building up all day.

As a claimed my luggage (the kind of bag my parents would take to India- heavy duty stuff), I got on a cab to take me to UTEP, my home for the next two months. As we were on the highway, me along with my other two roommates could not help but to hope and pray that the driver was not a kidnapper, especially when signs of Ciudad Juarez appeared. Once the exit for that city passed, all was well with the world once again. We were still alive, we were still in the cab, we were still driving towards UTEP, a safe environment.

I met my lovely two roommates and exchanged flight stories and the similar fear of being kidnapped with the snap of a finger. We wasted no time. As I unpacked Laura and Sarah began the vegan grocery list. I could not help but smile as the excitement Sarah has towards creating special recipes such as eggless milkless peanut butter cookies or Laura’s expertise on spinach puree used for pasta as a vegan dinner plate. The more recipes we thought of, the greater the shopping list became. Before we knew it, we were on our way to the Albertsons grocery store, which is a mere 10- 15 minute walk from our suite. However, add the bright sun and scarce wind and that walk seems a lot longer.

We shopped. We walked past every aisle once, twice, three times searching for the cheapest of all goods. For pasta sauce, we considered Prego or Ragu? Well the real question was which gave you more for your buck? That was the question for every grocery item on our list. We continued to pile items into our shopping cart as if we were on a shopping spree and we just couldn’t stop. There reached a point where I refused to let anyone put anything else in the cart for it was time to pay and time to take a step back and wonder about how we would take nearly 10-15 bags full of heavy grocery back to campus.

Then we fought with a talking machine. Who invented these self- check out things anyway? It’s meant to simplify lives, but in reality they just take up more time and you end up giving into a machine that is wrong. It took us nearly 15 minutes to check out groceries! I mean, come on, three grown ass ladies checking out grocery. It was a stressful experience, I must say. But like all battles that will be won in this city, we won and the machine gave us our long receipt in return and we kept it moving.

Day 1 leaving home sweet home

2010-05-30T01:01:00.000-07:00

It's about that time and my phone will ring any moment now and the car service will be outside waiting to take me to the airport. It' 4 am. I had three hours of sleep. I'm tired. And oh so excited. Two of my roommates are already at the university we're staying at for two months. I will be joining them shortly.

Homesick- Day -2

2010-05-28T13:36:00.001-07:00

I don't even know if this will post or not, that's how NOT computer savvy I am. But here it goes. Up until a few hours ago I was so excited and ready to be in El Paso and begin my summer adventures. And now, I have this anxious, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am already homesick and I haven't even left yet.